In Memory

This will be a post unlike any I've ever written. Less than 24 hours ago, I found out that a guy I went to high school with and who I had a major crush on, passed away. Obviously, we aren't teenagers, but at 41, it is still nearly impossible for me to imagine that my classmates, people my age, can be lost to death. As I remember this boy from high school and as I read all the kind and loving words written by our classmates and his more recent friends, I can't help but feel cheated. I knew him - we were in home room together all through middle and high school and we had classes together, but because of the tremendous crush I had on him (which he knew about), there was always a bit of distance on his part, and insecurity on mine, so that I never really got to know the person he was. Friends have posted that he was very funny - I am a laughaholic and would've have loved to have seen more of that side of him. Friends have also posted what a good friend he was and how he often stood up for those who needed a voice. I never knew that about him. This reinforces what I've been telling my daughter about concentrating less on having a "boyfriend" (she's not even 12 yet, so actual dating is off the table for a few more years) and more on being friends with the boys so that she can get to know them. Then, if something more develops later, it will have developed on a friendship that can be recaptured if the romance fizzles.

My friend had changed quite a bit since high school (haven't we all?!), but in my mind, I still remember him as a tall, good-looking soccer player who often wore Umbro shorts, Sebagos without socks, and always had a tan. The guy who I never knew could sing until our senior year when he was the only one from our choir who could sight-read a piece of music at a choral competition and who sang a solo in our spring concert that he dedicated to his girlfriend (that stung). The guy whose jazz band concerts I always attended even though I was in chorus. I'm starting to sound a bit like a stalker, but I'm not too concerned about it since this post will be seen by my blog audience of 5 instead of a Facebook audience of several hundred! It's more of a tribute and I guess with his death, I am thinking more about how precious and tenuous life is. How fleeting these moments can be. How an event that seemed like the end of the world in high school would not even show up on my radar now. I wrote my daily bit of thanks on Facebook today about appreciating the simple pleasures of life, like drinking my favorite cup of coffee from Starbucks or watching a movie with my husband or taking my kids for a treat. Life isn't always going to be huge, mega-productions of excitement, and if you expect and wait for these without "smelling the roses" along the way, you'll miss much of the joy this life has to offer.